A decade in review...

The last post of this decade, and I can’t even begin to believe the paths I have taken, the roads that I have traveled, the Love I have learned to hold, and finding the Light that will forever be my North star.

I started this decade in a marriage with two small children selling real estate, traveling, and in my dream home. On the outside, it all looked really good. I had worked so hard to get to this point in my life. I threw amazing dinner parties, had lots of friends, and by society’s measure was very successful. But when I stopped to take a breath and checked inside, I was dying. I was depressed, off purpose, exhausted, trying to do everything perfect so I could be loved, and was as unhappy as I could be. 

I started small by taking an online enlightenment course in my basement because I knew I had to do something different or I wasn’t going to survive. From there I took more courses, alone in my basement, while my kids and I were being bullied by a parent from their school and my husband and I were essentially leading separate lives in the same house. I continued to smile on the outside while screaming on the inside for something to save me.

The past ten years have been, truthfully, really hard. Being on the leading edge of a new consciousness is not for the faint of heart. I got divorced, became a single parent having my kids 6 days out of 7, did countless trainings, retreats, online courses, and hours upon hours of meditation. I had a kundalini awakening, tapped into the spirit realm and walked with angels, made countless mistakes, wrote and published a book, lost many friends and some family, and birthed an entirely new me.

There were countless days where I couldn’t stop crying, pain enveloping me as I learned to open my heart. I followed one teacher and then the next as I continued to follow the path that unfolded before me. And in the process, the new friends that showed up have been with me now for many years and will be with me until the end. The joy that I know is beyond anything I could even have predicted. And Spirit. Oh, beautiful Spirit. I now know you through prayer, meditation, in Mother Earth, Father Sky, song and dance. I know you in the love that I experienced and lost, and in love that will find me again.

I leave this decade knowing that I am a warrior. I leave this decade knowing my amazing capability to help be a part of this emerging consciousness that is coming into form. I know my brilliance as a coach and the love that I can hold and will bring to my next beloved. I have helped transform my two incredible teenage boys by doing my work and not passing on to them the sh*@ that has been piled on down through the ages. As I made the decision to end my marriage, I said to myself, “This cycle ends here, with me”.

I found a connection with nature and with her beauty, grace and ease, and the divine feminine that rises through her. One of my dear sisters said to me, “I know of no one else that embodies the balance of the feminine and masculine like you do”. But knowing how to do the work doesn’t let you off the hook from actually doing it. There are still many hours of tears and sadness, but I am learning to be the space around the darkness. And just when I think I have a handle on the process, more comes in to be cleared. Many times it’s not mine but the lineage I am healing. So I keep learning how to surrender. I have learned through this decade that if I have been chosen to do this work, I will do it to the best of my ability. And the Love that I can share is a grace I am blessed to steward. 

As hard as this decade has been, I still wouldn’t trade it for the life that I had. I know joy, freedom, flow, peace, blessings and Love beyond measure. I can sit in silence, by myself, and be perfectly content. I know how to ask for support and receive it, and I can offer it to others without overgiving or trying to do it perfectly. I am eternally grateful for all those that walked before me to clear the path to make it possible for me to do the same, and now, if you choose to walk this road, it will be infinitely easier for you as well. We really don’t have a choice if we want to survive. So please, keep going. Find the compassion and forgiveness in your heart and allow it to come through. Lay down your burdens and ask God/Universe/Spirit to help you. They are there for you, front and center, if you only turn towards them and ask. 

I will keep on as well in building my coaching and speaking business and in what I am being called to do. I have stopped trying to figure out tomorrow and am practicing just being here with the present moment, so I can only imagine what these next ten years will bring. My sincerest wishes are that you also find your true North, your path that you were destined to walk, the Love you are meant to know and receive and then shine back out again. I am honored, blessed and humbled by what we all are creating together. Let’s do this.

Much love, many blessings. xo