Can I? Will I?

I step into the unknown, not knowing where I’m going.

There is darkness all around, and sometimes I am afraid.

I must get quiet to listen to the silence. Here is where the wisdom lies.

My fear rises up, my belly tightens. I remember to breathe, and my body relaxes.

I pray for wisdom, yet it is not quite time. Patience is what I am learning now.

I wonder if I can allow myself to play with this darkness, the unknowing. 

Control, I know, is just an illusion, but it’s been my blanket for so long.

I must walk the bridge into surrender. Can I do this? How will I feel?

Ahh, yes. I remember. The feelings are just what is now. They are not my reality.

When I surrender, there is freedom in my steps. When I allow my heart to move first, I am free.

But the darkness wants its say. 

It wraps me in its security, I know this feeling well. It seduces me into its false comfort.

It will hold me back. I know this now. The Light is just on the other side. 

There is a pull in my soul to move towards that Light. I can sense its power and grace.

I take a step. And then another. I am finding my courage, but it’s not as easy as I thought.

The darkness rises fierce. Angry. Loud. And then quiet and manipulative.

The threads of this blackness are tight and strong. My hands and feet and mouth feel bound.

How do I know what is real and what is not? 

The Love knows. It moves into the blackness with its sweetness and care.

I breathe this in. My body softens.

I am beginning to hear again. The voice is so quiet at first that I don’t trust it.

Is this really you? I know it is. The expansion in my heart knows this. 

I must allow. I want to allow. I choose to allow. 

Now the Light is brighter. I cling to it fiercely, so it leaves. 

I am told to open my hands and let go. Oh, that is so hard to do. My fists have been clenched for so long.

But I have had a taste of that Light, and my soul pulls me to go there. 

I am not sure I am choosing now. I have no other choice but to go. There. Into that space. 

I sense the play of others in a different realm. I know I am not alone. 

Tears of gratitude fall down my cheeks. I am never alone. I was never alone.

Enough, I tell myself. Stand up tall and allow. You are meant for more. 

But the blackness, the darkness. What of it?

I know it will always be there. But the Light will always be brighter. 

So I move into my heart. Interesting. The Light moves in faster.

I step again. More Light. 

Each step feels more confident, more sure. There is less darkness now.

The voice gets louder – the true voice. I can hear it more clearly.

It asks me to walk into the unknown. Can I? Will I?

I know that I can. And that I will.